What is time? This is the question that has plagued humanity since we first walked this earth. Is time linear? Is it a wheel? Is it a rubber band? Is it a cyclone? Is it a myth? Can we only move forward through time, or can we go back?

Cher (whose corporeality itself defies the laws of time) once elegantly put into words the supposition all of us have had at least once in our lives when she yodeled “If I could turn back time, if I could find a way.” What would you do if you could turn back time? I would probably erase all those times I pissed beside dumpsters after getting really drunk.

In this week’s episode of Jem entitled “Journey through Time,” Techrat somehow creates a time machine and decides that he, with the help of Eric Raymond and the Misfits, is gonna turn back time solely to fuck with Jem and the Holograms, in order to prevent them from performing at the World History of Music Concert (not a thing, and who gives a fuck?)

This seems like a waste of time traveling power, you are probably thinking to yourself. And you would be right. There is also a snag in the laws of time travel that govern Techrat’s time machine: you send one, and you get back one. So, if you send one bish from the present to 1781 Vienna, then another ho from 1781 Vienna must come to the present.

Regardless of whether or not you buy this whole intertemporal switchamaroo nonsense, I think we can all appreciate the moment when a bunch of hippies appear in the present and Pizzazz yells “HIPPIES? I HATE HIPPIES!”