We’re back on the Jem-train people, both literally and figuratively, because, as you can probably guess from the title of this episode, we’re jumping on the midnight train to Trainsville, USA.

Except we’re not literally jumping on any trains and Trainsville, USA (population: trains) doesn’t exist so it’s all figurative. But, whatever. Trains, people, get with it and get on board.

Truthfully, we would recommend getting on the train AFTER the “Rock ’n Roll Express,” unless you want to be subjected to orphan labour, date-raping criminals and culturally appropriative outfits. Yes, all this is on (train) track for you if you climb aboard this Jem and the Holograms locomotive. Sorry, Jamie Lee, but there’s a new “Terror Train” in town.

So why even choo-choo-choose this episode of Jem Girls? Because all that hilarious, nonsensical and pretty problematic hijinx is whast we live for. And live off of, both Hakuna and Orifice being poorly-plotted-cartoon-vampires, if you didn’t know already. But a meal for us is entertainment for you!

We think?